some days and other days

Thanks to my folks for the many lies they fed me growing up. I do understand they were much needed. How could I have survived the anxious curiousity of childhood without them? As I have learnt, sometimes the truth isn’t good enough, sometimes we need lies too.

After coming such a long way I still search for my identity, still find it difficult to identify myself, some days when I look in the mirror, I see strangers. Some days I feel like I know myself only too well.

Some days I wish I could relive my life, some days I don’t think those days could have gone better. Some days I fear what posterity has in store for me, other days I look forward to them with joyful anxiety. Some days I am just too scared to go out and live, some days my bravery has all but limits.

Some days I seem to be in perfect control, other days, it seems worse than things just falling apart. Some days I feel happy, having a perfect understanding of the world, other days I don’t understand even myself. Some days I possess peace of mind knowing fully well that I have done my best, other days I feel like I haven’t even made any effort yet. Some days I feel like I’ve done my best other days I don’t feel I’ve made any effort yet even after moments of hard work and struggle.

Some days my childhood memories are euphoric, other days the nostalgia makes me never wanna retrospect again. Some days the curiousity of posterity keeps me going, I really look forward to seeing what the future holds, some days I couldn’t care less.

Some days I lack the zest I need to carry me from one hour to another, other days I am filled with enough enthusiasm, for all Africans.  Some days I take on the world knowing I got cover, other days all I see is my vulnerable self.

Some days all I desire are the simple things of life, which as I have come to understand are not actually “things”, – happiness, peace of mind, joy, love. Other days I don’t feel I can ever get enough of everything. Some days I wish it’d all end, others days I actually do want to live forever.

Some days I look into people’s eyes and I feel their emotions other days I just couldn’t give a fuck, though I try so hard. Some days I work so hard to hold my world together, other days I just sit and watch it crumble. Some days my hyperactive imagination takes me to places like never before, other days I nearly die of boredom.

Some days I feel like I can take on the world on my own, other days, I really need a back to fall on. Some days I have a perfect understanding of my place in life, other days, I do not know who I am, talk less of what I stand for.

 

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