Love Me, If Not For Anything, Because I Am A Writer.


Love me because I can make you happy or sad just by writing. I can use words to make you wet. I can turn a late night convo into an ode of love, life and romance. A late evening walk into a tale by the moonlight.

Spend the night with me at a hotel in the city and I could turn an experience that was supposed to be a romantic getaway into a love story and pour out my heart about how it could have been better if only you had not brought up certain topics just so you’d know. I would undress you with stories, turn you on with words. Quote the right works to get you into bed and I know a perfect lullaby for every kind of emotion just before you fall asleep.

Love me because I would cause happy accidents and call them serendipities just to stay anonymous just as God uses coincidences to stay anonymous. To me nothing is a surprise because I must have imagined it numerous times in the past.

Love me because I am just one young chap who just wants to be happy while trying to stay alive amidst the challenges of being a medical student in contemporary Nigeria. I may not look like much, sound like much, talk like much, until you get lost in my head. I have lived there for so long and I still get lost. Come with me, there is plenty of room for two or three if you are into that kind of thing.

When I grab your waist I do more than that, I imagine for a few moments there what mood God must have been in when he created you, what he could have been thinking. I try to predict your actions by observing your gestures and the tone of your speech or maybe I’m just reading too much meaning into nothing, lets worry about that later.

Love me because I would listen to you whine about being fat while craving that fifth bowl of ice cream, being too nice yet unkind to the doorman at the bank, the bad economy and how you just need to buy that expensive necklace that you probably would end up not wearing and how your wardrobe is full of clothes yet you cannot find something to wear.

Lay beside me let our hearts meet so I feel your heart beat against mine while I try to fall asleep a tune to the symphony of two hearts beating as one. Love me because you can lie to me all you want and I would not mind, in fact I would want you to lie to me, because lies are a form of creativity.

Love me, because I am going to take note of every detail. The way you walk, sit, eat and talk, the way you articulate your words to form sentences the way you swing your hair by the side when you have to make a phone call. I am going to know which foot you put forward first when you start walking and which songs you listen to when you are happy and the ones that bring you peace when you are troubled.

Lay with me under the stars and I would tell you their stories – the North Star and the three that make up Orion’s belt. I would teach you to know which ones are stars and the impostor planets among them posing as stars. I would ask you if you knew that our sun is also a star and that every other star has its own solar system. I would turn a romantic evening into an astronomy session – I’m sorry 😦

Lay with me in my dorm room and I would turn a romantic get together into a session of deep reflection into life and family and all the little things that matter. Love me because I am a lazy writer and soon instead of writing I would begin to tell you stories and you love stories. Don’t you?

Love me because I would slip off your underwear using verses from the Book of Solomon, my favourite book in the bible. Love me because I would write a true life story with your scars and bruises. Love me because I would make a movie out of your past and together we shall create a happy ending for it.

Come with me to the movies and I would complain about how the stairs could have been better designed, how the lettering of the name of the movie is too sizes too small how the fonts could have been better placed and how escalators cause accidents and how the sunroof in the mall saves energy and helps us create a greener world..

Love me because I love speech, its different parts and figures and similes make me smile and I use metaphors to create sentences that make you pause and sigh. I spend my life trying to rewrite a breakup each time trying to come up with a different ending for it.


Love me because I play with words and I believe wordplay is the best kind of foreplay and when I say I love porn, be careful because I might just mean pun – and who the hell likes porn anyway, it leaves little to imagination. If you are in the mood, chat me up and I would write you one of the best erotica you would have seen

You may find my love too strong and scary and you may try to run away, but when I withdraw into myself trying to get a story out of my head you would hate me even more because I would be seemingly out of touch with reality. Love me because absence makes the heart grow fonder and I am going to be away mentally, psychologically and socially.

Love me because I am old fashioned and I am going to write you love notes and leave messages on napkins for you. Love me because whenever I smack your bare butt I would be counting how many seconds it takes for the wheal and flare reaction to take place.


Walk with me through crowded streets of Lagos and I would tell you why I don’t trust people, give alms or pay tithes, I would tell you why I don’t believe Christianity is all about going to church and maybe even reveal to you that I don’t so much believe in religion.

Love me because it is almost impossible to offend me and in the event that you do, you won’t do it again, because I would walk away I know it is sad but that is just the way I am. Love me because I am a designer, a writer, a creative and I have eyes for beauty and every time I tell you about how beautiful you are it is only true.

Love me because I cannot sing and I cannot dance, heck I am even scared to speak in public but I would put up private performances where I would dance, sing and read out pieces for you and you alone. Love me because I am a delight when I am happy which is most of the time, but for the short moments I would be sad just let me be and in no time I would come around, don’t try to comfort me or do anything to make me feel better just let me be I would come around.

Love me because I would name a blog after you and send you electronic letters and images and videos from every trip I take. Curl up next to me because I know what it feels like to want to be alone with someone special. I won’t say a word, I would just play with your hair. I would appreciate your efforts when you travel long distances just to come spend a few hours with me.

Don’t love me because I am an entrepreneur or because I am a Nigerian, don’t love me because of my aspirations or because of what I used to be, don’t even love me for who I am but for who I believe myself to be – a writer and I try to be a creative one. Because that truly is what comes close to defining me.

But more than anything else love me because there is harmattan and its freaking cold and I need someone to cuddle.


4 thoughts on “Love Me, If Not For Anything, Because I Am A Writer.

  1. Very hilarious and interesting piece that is, I love it… Wait, those lines, what inspired them? What he said? Okay. By the way, I like some so much that I stole them as punch lines for future purposes. My fav is “Love me, if not for anything, because I’m a writer”. Anyway, nice way to start a new year, nice post! And hey, lover boy, you believe in religion so much; your previous posts are an attestation*

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